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Wisconsin and Nezda Family Time

June 15, 2013

After spending the last weekend in Wausau, WI for my Grandmother’s memorial service, I again have been considering the life I choose to lead and how that impacts my future. Between the aggressive goals, achievements, travel, challenges and, learning, am I missing some of the softer side of life? Having not been in a long term relationship for a long time I wonder when I will fall in love again? Listening to the family reminisce of my grandparents and their 60+ year marriage I saw my thoughts of ever achieving that fading away with each passing year. My grandmother made people feel needed, part of the family, through hand written notes, cooking for people, long conversations, and just being one of the most amazing people out there ever.

I recall when I was spending summers in Wisconsin that I was lonely sometimes, being just me and my aging grandparents but they still made sure I had fun. They had me building card castles in the basement, learning to knit, working in the garden, catching sunfish in one of Wisconsin’s many lakes , or if they were teaching me work ethic in a way only Grandparents can, I still cherish all of those memories and was lucky to get to spend that much time with my Grandparents. The first summer in Wisconsin was the first time I recall ever being overwhelmed by emotion and somehow when I was there with the family some of the fountain tumultuous feeling came back and I cannot seem to shake it off. Unlike 1989 when Grandma let me call home to speak to my parents and calm me down, this time things do not shake quite as easily.

Fast forward 20+ years and here I am keeping busy in all new ways and still being lucky enough to enjoy the best family and friends but still I feel lonely but it seems self imposed mostly. I choose to challenge myself, mentally, physically, even emotionally, and those continuing challenges keep me smiling but I wonder at what cost. Is my being busy preventing me from being available and having the chance to settle down? I have been told more than once that I am unavailable and I wonder how I can change that? I am always attentive to friends and family since they are my support system but it appears that somewhere along the line being attentive is not enough?

A number of people spoke at Grandmother’s memorial and all were memorable as was the slide show of all the old photos from so long ago to just last year. I welled up with tears more that morning than I had in years just seeing my family remember such a great woman. My Grandparents were raised on farms living the hard way and yet they build a family with great, children grandchildren and great grandchildren. What they provided for us all was an amazing ability to live our own way with their values, makes me very proud of my heritage and even more proud to be a Nezda.

Away from the emotions of the service the weekend did also provide a chance for my brother, sister, and I to get to spend some good time with Dad. Libby and I got in a good run, we placated me by visiting a brewery on the way to the airport, and Luke and I got to shoot the breeze for hours during a flight delay. All in all perhaps the emotions of the weekend got me that much closer to settling down in life. One other thing is certain, I am so proud to continue to live up to being a Nezda and trying one day at a time to have some impact on the world. Below are a few photos from the trip.

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Luke Dad Libby, I love you all so much and hope we can do that again sometime perhaps in better circumstances than celebrating the life of our Grandma.

From → family, Uncategorized

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